Carte Blanche
by cloismagic
Summary: Just because you've lost one thing, doesn't mean you've lost everything. A darvey late season 9 fic.


**AN: Okay, so slight spoilers for some future episodes. This came to me like a goddamn tsunami after I watched the promo and hurried to write this before I forgot. This is based on the moment in the promo where Donna places her head on Harvey's shoulder. I'm posting this almost raw, with very little editing because I just want to post this already lol so, apologies for any typos etc. Enjoy!**

…

_**carte blanche**_

_noun_

_complete freedom to act as one wishes or thinks best_

…

"I know I said I was fine…."

He doesn't turn around when he hears her heels against the hardwood, stays in the same position, palms flat on the desk in the corner of his living room.

She expels a short breath, walking slowly until she appears against him, "You don't have to explain yourself to me," she assures quietly. It pained her to see him like this- lost, unsure, _sad. _It drove a knife straight through to her heart, but she would rather have him like this than not have him at all, and she couldn't stop that guilt gnawing at her.

"But you have to remember why you did this," she sniffles, putting on her bravest face, voice a lot steadier than how she felt. Her hands remain behind her, clutching and fidgeting, unwilling to let him see them.

Harvey purses his lips, nodding, "I know."

"And I also know that doesn't make things any easier," she's quick to continue, not wanting him to think this was easy for her either, when it was anything but. Because, after the hell they'd both gone through the past week, it finally felt like she could breathe again. And as difficult as she knew it was for him too, she also knew he wouldn't have done what he did if he didn't think it was the best outcome for them.

"I just-" Harvey shakes his head, eyes filling up with tears he hadn't let escape just yet.

"Talk to me," she urges gently, taking a step closer, just a mere half a foot from his right.

"I fucked up, Donna."

She closes her eyes, having already heard the tail-end of this story, but still, she hears him out.

"It was one thing after the other, and I just- _you warned me_," he chuckles, but it held no humor, "I just had to try to be the bigger man, the _better_ man."

"You did what you thought was right."

"Didn't mean that it was," he finally turns to her, hates seeing her own concerned eyes looking back at him. "I just- I wasn't thinking, but at the time I knew it's what I had to do."

"And now?" She asks, already knowing the answer.

He wanes out the smallest of smiles, "I would still do the same thing. What the hell does that say about me?"

Donna straightens up, taking another step. Still, her hands were held behind her, "It means you're a good man with a good heart. It means that you're exactly the kind of man I fell in love with- the man I want to marry someday."

He blinks back at her words, not knowing why they surprised him. He's yet to pop the question, that ring burning a hole in the back of his sock drawer by now, but they haven't exactly been in the right frame of mind for him to throw another challenge their way. Still, even with their recent talks of marriage and forever, it still rattles him, renders him speechless.

"What the hell did I ever do to deserve you?"

His mumbled words come out with so much sincerity, it sets her heart ablaze. Her stomach flips at the way his chocolate brown eyes study her, like they're looking right into her soul, capturing everything pure and genuine about it, and storing it away for safe keeping. Because he's the only one she could ever trust with her heart, her everything.

Donna clears her throat then, an unimaginable desire coursing through her veins, settling right on her chest, making it that much more difficult to breathe. She steals a breath; blinks back any remaining tears that threaten to spill.

"You chose me," she says simply, "For as long as I've known you, you've chosen me. You've been by my side, you've protected me. Even why I had my doubts, even when we were at odd ends- you're not perfect, Harvey, but you're as damn close to that and don't you ever doubt what kind of man you are to me."

He shakes his head, soft smile pulling at his lips, "I couldn't leave you, Donna. I didn't do this for me, I did it for us."

"I know," she shares his soft smile, vision continuing to blur against her best wishes. She musters up any remaining energy, clearing her throat and turning to look at the desk in front of him. She sighs when her eyes land on the Harvard Law diploma, framed and looking as well-preserved as anything over two decades old could look.

"How long have you been staring at this?"

Harvey shrugs, "I lost track of the time."

Donna looks down, watches the way his hands grip the corner of his glass desk, momentarily worries if he keeps pressing down hard enough, he's going to break it, or hurt himself. She itches to reach out again, grab hold of his hand, and kiss his pain away.

She leans into him a few breaths later, voice lower and more tentative than before, but she doubts he picks up on it, eyes still trained on the frame in front of him. "I have something I need to tell you."

He doesn't move, instead, he shifts his weight, leans into her growing presence. "What is it?"

"I-" she stops, bites her lip, doesn't quite know how to get the words out. She'd rehearsed this in her head, a thousand times on the way over. Even she knew she should have expected the stuttering mess she could become. It wasn't like she'd ever done this before.

She worries for a moment when he doesn't turn, doesn't ask her with his worried glance if she was okay, but she remembers she can't blame, _doesn't _blame him. She'd gone through this whirlwind of emotion and pain the past week, right by his side, physically and emotionally.

She takes another breath, bringing her hands to the front. With her heart settling in her throat, the words caught just the same, she places the creased piece of paper in front of him, right on top of the diploma he'd been looking at.

"I'd made the appointment before you were arrested," she clears her throat, voice hoarse and too low for her liking, "I got the results this morning, right after-" _'you lost your license' _hangs between them, she doesn't have to remind him.

Harvey steps back, hands no longer gripping the desk with a visceral grip. She watches him, blinking, unsure, almost in a daze.

"Do you know what it is?" She asks him softly after a moment, wondering if he'd been so off kilter that he couldn't register the words in front of him. She could smell the remnants of the aged scotch of his breath when he answers.

"You're-"

"Six weeks," she inhales, waiting for his reaction.

It doesn't come. Not the way she had expected, anyway.

He's almost frozen in place, red eyes locked in one place, softening more every few seconds. Donna steps closer, more tentative than last time, but no more unsure.

"Harvey,"

When he still doesn't respond, she takes the final step, refuses to cry, to back down. He needed her as much as she needed him. She places her head on his shoulder, taking the moment to inhale his scent.

Her proximity seems to shake him out of his daze, exhaling a deep breath he'd wedged right under his trachea.

"You're pregnant."

He says it so simply, without any ascertainable emotion it almost frustrates her.

"I am," she confirms again, hoping he'd shake off out of this reverie soon. But she didn't want to rush him, didn't want to deter this natural process he was mentally going through.

It's only a few seconds into her well-adjusted thoughts, a mired of emotions and doubts trying to drown her out from the more plausible reality she was going to face, does he begin to react.

It's a chuckle that surprises her at first, light and throaty, surreal. She blinks in surprise, tilts her head to watch him more clearly. Before she could say anything, he's sighing, turning to her with a smile so wide and bright she feels like she's floating on a goddamn cloud, as cliché as that might sound.

"We're having a baby?"

It's more of a statement than a question, his words merely looking for a confirmation than anything else. She smiles right back, matching his own grin tooth for tooth, and she could already feel her cheeks beginning to ache, eyes stinging with the tears she knows were about to fall.

"Yeah, we are."

She's gathered in his arms no sooner than she finished her sentence, engulfed in his welcoming embrace, relishing in his familiar warmth.

Donna closes her eyes, tightens her hold on him as she releases a relieved breath, hating herself for a moment for ever doubting he'd react any other way.

He pulls back mere seconds later, mouth landing on her exposed neck, right above her clavicle.

"You- have given me- so much," his words are choked, and she swears she's never seen him as emotional as she does right now. All façades stripped away, vulnerable and unwavering all at once.

There's a kaleidoscope of colors that meets her eyes, a new wave of fresh tears freely falling as his words land straight to her heart.

"So, you're happy about this?" She knows it's a dumb question as soon as the words leave her lips, but she feels almost numb in his arms, hands tingling as they clutch at his jacket, needing a tangible control of the situation.

Harvey grins, possibly wider than before, "What do you think?"

His eyes are still red from the emotional turmoil he'd put himself through earlier, face tired and honing in days of missed sleep, but he looked rightfully _delirious._

"I think-" Donna clears her throat, "this is our chance, to start over, to have the life we both wanted for a long time."

Something in her words makes his hand navigate to her waist, causing her breath to hitch. He pauses for a moment, eases her into it, before he gently places it above her abdomen.

"Before you walked in here… I knew I had to move forward, _we _had to move forward, but I didn't have a damn idea how," he whispers the last part, emotions taking a toll on him again. "I knew I wanted a forever with you," he reiterates the words he'd told her weeks before, catching her teary nod of approval, "but- never in my wildest dreams-"

"You'd think you could knock me up before we got married?"

Her impulsivity causes a burst of laughter to spill right out of him, and he throws his head back before settling on her amused reaction.

"Something like that," he murmurs, reaching up with the hand not touching her stomach, cradling her cheek. "I was so damn lost, Donna. And I know I would choose you over and over again, that I don't regret what I did for a second, but you and I both know it still hurts, it's still hard as hell, and this transition is not going to be easy… but this-" he tears his eyes away from hers to watch his hand rubbing soothing circles on her stomach, catching her hand in his when it meets his gentle motions, "Everything is so simple now, so clear to me."

"What is?"

"You, me, _us," _he stops to send her the softest grin, setting her beating heart into a frenzy, "we're gonna be okay."

It's the first time since he lost his license- since he got arrested and this whole mess thing began, that she believes him, wholeheartedly.

"We are," she confirms with a nod, clutching her hand tighter in hers.

He meets her in a kiss, soft and hard all once. Her toes curl into her heels, and she leans into him to settle her balance, using her free hand to pull him by the nape of his neck. When they part, he places his forehead against her, feeling their hearts settling into a synchronized rhythm.

"I guess it's a good thing I'm already an expert at throwing baby showers."

Donna chuckles, the laughter pouring out of her just as easily as her love for him.

"Don't forget you had help on that, mister," she playfully pokes his chest.

Harvey grins, unfazed, "Doesn't matter," he mumbles, "I've got all the time in the world for this now."

She sobers for a moment, smile wavering just a bit, "Yeah? And how exactly do you feel about that?"

Without missing a beat, he replies, "Like I've won the goddamn lottery."

…

**As always, please let me know what you thought :) **


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